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Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Apathy of Sloth: Never Again.

Been a while. Sorry. Been thinking a lot lately, about politics, sure, but also love, relationships, the idea of the divine, the concept of justice, life.

I have come to a few realizations.

First of: stop waiting. I realized all I did all my life is wait for my life to become great and happiness to fall on me. I waited for school to end, maybe after it I would be happy with the freedom I thought adulthood would bring. I waited after relationships to just happen, maybe I would get friends or even love, just by waiting. Why put the effort? People scare me way too much isn't it? Even now, I'm waiting, working a job I hate in hope the future gets better, in hopes I just stumble upon a better job. I waited all my life, I longed for things without never acting for them. I was slothful. I was lonely.  Everytime something great happened to me it was because I took some initiative, and did something for myself or others.

I don't want to be slothful or lazy anymore. I always wanted to help others, to be proud about myself, I always wanted to be more courageous to compensate for all those times I should have stood up to injustices and bullies. I don't want to be silent anymore, I don't want to be miserable.

I long for justice, in a world such as ours, justice always seems out of reach: the powerful that do wrong never get punished, those that deserve happiness because of their hard work get crap and misery. I realized that I probably cannot change the world alone, that is obvious of course I knew that already, but I didn't realize that to change the world I got to start with my own. If I help others around me, if I make the world of others a better place by being there for them, then it will make a difference. If you don't get help or support when you need it the most why would you lend a hand to others in your life that are in trouble? This cycle of indifference must end, and there is no other way than to just give, give away. Will I be abused and used like I already was? Probably. But for all those that won't use me, for all those that genuinely benefited from my presence, It will make a difference. My parents had it rough, they taught me to never trust anyone but myself... But if you never trust anyone, how can you expect anyone to trust you?

I also learned... Living for yourself alone is a sad existence. I want to live to please others, to make others happy and fulfilled. That would bring me joy and pride.

What's the point of sailing the ship of my life if I am alone operating it and I got no destination? I was a lost ship, drifting on the tides of the sea of life, waiting for them to bring me to my destination... No longer will I let the current take me away. I'll take back the helm of my boat, and set course wherever I need to be, may it be for myself, or to help someone in need.

I get why I don't have much friends, what do I have to offer to them? Self pity? My apathy? I wouldn't hang with me neither... I may not be the most interesting or funny friend someone might have, but I'm loyal, and trusting. I care. How terrible was I to let others suffer because I was too busy waiting for my own happiness... I could have helped them, and they could have helped me. That's what friendship is all about isn't it? A trusting relationship where you know you can count on each other.

As of love... Well it's very much the same isn't it? I longed for it, yet never thought I should be giving something in return, I can't just receive it, that's not how it works. And if I want someone to trust and love me, I'll have to be loving and trusting first, there is no other way.

I also realize that even though I don't believe in god that it doesn't mean I should not have faith. I should have faith in myself, in my loved ones, in my hopes and dreams. Plus sometimes the coïncidences of life are just so good or bad, I don't think it hurts to just think: maybe this is how it ought to be, maybe this is a sign from the universe from me to myself.

As of politics... I realized that I am an individualist, not in the "only the self matters" way but rather I refuse to separate people originality and uniqueness into little racial, sexual, ideological or religious boxes. I understand why people do it. It's reassuring to think we got it all figured it out, that all men are pigs, all women are nice but manipulative gold diggers, that all whites are egotistical and racist bigots, that all blacks are thugs, that all Christians are uneducated redneck bigots, that all Muslims are dangerous terrorists in the making, that immigrants, migrants and refugees are leechers and monsters here to rob our riches and destroy our cultural values and traditions... I refuse to see individuals as such. It's easy to blame what is different or foreign, much harder to blame ideas or ourselves.

Take the migrant and ISIS crisis... By listening to people you get the impression all muslim migrants are terrorists and bad people, corrupted by a misogynistic isolationist religion to destroy our world... Except that's only a minority. What about all of those that come to the West because they are afraid of the radicalism in their home country?  Those that integrate and are productive essential members of our society? Are they to blame too? For what others that share a simple belief that was pushed to the extreme do? "If the U.K/U.S didn't accept muslim migrants, immigrants and refugees, there would be much less terrorism". Is it though? What about my country, Canada? We receive lot of muslims here, and it rarely cause troubles, even less often terrorist attacks. Heck in my province of Quebec, in many smaller communities, the Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Protestants and other religious groups share the same communal church. The imam drink beers and eat with the priest and the rabbi. They coexist peacefully. It's not impossible you know. By turning our backs to muslims, we are only doing ISIS bidding, after all the whole smuck behind ISIS existence is about a prophecy telling them the West hates them and want to get rid of them, so they should unite all Muslims and get rid of us before that happens...  By rejecting the moderates and shuning them, you make them consider ISIS words "maybe they do hate us all. Maybe we are doomed if we don't take action..." I use they to alleviate the text, I don't mean you personally do it, I just think this attitude, this refusal to try to understand each others is what is powering ISIS.

I decided, I won't let myself be fooled by rumors and fearful claims. I want the truth, and I want peace, we are not going to get that by fighting each others over the actions of the real culprits of crimes, injustices and wars that we scapegoat on each others.

Basically if you must remember one thing today, may it be to not remain passive. Don't let time, and your life, slip between your fingers. The sands of time are limited, you shouldn't waste them.

This has been rather enlightening to me. I hope it was for you as well. Or maybe im just an arrogant pompous philosopher? Who knows. See you next time -KeLvin